My Dad Says Some Funny Ish
When does a joke become a dad joke? When the punch line becomes apparent. (Har har!). You've cringed, laughed and even been known to repeat them on occasion. The good news is that kids get a real kick out of them. Scroll down to read the best (and the worst) dad jokes for kids ever.
Typical Dad Jokes for Kids
-I used to hate the hokey pokey, but I really turned myself around.
- Is the refrigerator running? Better go catch it!
(yeah, that one hurt us, too...)
-Why did the bicycle keep falling over?
It was two tired.
-What do you call a man who tells dad jokes but isn't a dad?
A faux pa.
-Dad: I told my kids to embrace their mistakes, then they hugged me.
-I entered a pun contest. I submitted 10 of my best puns to see if any would be a win.
However, no pun in ten did...
-Hey kids, I got you Fortnite. But it will only last two weeks.
-What's the secret to a good elevator pitch?
It has to work on many levels.
-Want to hear a long joke?
Jooooooooooooooke.
-What does a house always wear to a party?
Address.
-Charlie Chaplin and Marcel Marceau just threw microphones into the sea. Guess it's true that great mimes sink a mic.
-Have you heard how popular the local cemetery is?
People are just dying to get in.
-Kid: I'll call you later!
Dad: Just call me Dad!
-When does a joke become a Dad joke?
When the punch line becomes apparent.
-This pencil has two erasers. It's totally pointless.
Food-Related Dad Jokes for Kids
- What kind of drink is bittersweet?
Reali-tea
- What do the royals put on their pancakes?
Sir Up.
- My kid just asked me "Can I have this, apple?"
Guess he doesn't know my name is Dad.
-Dad: Did you hear the butter rumor? Well, I'm not going to spread it.
-Why Did the vegetable call the plumber?
It had a leek.
-What do you get when you coddle a cow?
Spoiled milk.
-Dad: Another word of caution. Never tell secrets near a cornfield. They're all ears.
-How many apples are growing on that tree?
All of them.
-Why did the man buy so much yogurt?
To get cultured.
-Time to take this cookie to the hospital! It's feeling crummy.
-Evaporated milk is confusing. There's so much liquid in it.
-Dad to kid: Where are French fries from?
Kid: France?
Dad to kid: Greece!
-Dad to kids at dinner: I would tell you my pizza joke but it's just too cheesy.
-What do you call a band of berries playing music?
A jam session.
Science Dad Jokes for Kids
- "Kara, on average, how far can a dog run into the woods?"
"Gee, Grand Dad, I don't know."
"Half way. After that, the dog is running out of the woods."
—Grand Dad jokes 49-52 submitted by our hilarious reader Dave
- Did you ever notice ants don't get sick?
They're full of anti-bodies.
-I can't find the U-Cut tree farm. I'm completely stumped.
-Doctor, doctor, I'm terrified of squirrels!
[Doctor] You must be nuts.
—Jerry C., faithful reader
-Dad: This book about how Newton discovered gravity is so good! I just can't put it down.
-What do you call a fish with four eyes?
Fiiiish!
-Why doesn't a photon need a suitcase?
Because it's traveling light.
-Dad to kid (in a serious voice): A word of advice, kid. Never trust atoms. They make up everything.
- How does a musician win a fight?
They call for Bach up.
-Kid: Why are you talking to yourself, Dad??
Dad: I needed an expert's advice.
-Dad: I am giving away all my batteries...free of charge!
-Q: How do you know carrots are good for your eyesight?
A: Have you ever seen a bunny wearing glasses?
Body-Related Dad Jokes for Kids
-How do you make a Kleenex dance?
Put a little boogie in it!
-"You have a hole in your sock, Jack."
"No, I don't."
"Sure you do. That's how you got your foot in it."
-"Wow! Chase, you sure got tall. I hope you don't grow another foot."
"Why not Grand Dad?"
"Because if you do, Mommy will need to buy you a third sneaker."
-"Grand Dad, you look pretty sharp. Where did you get your haircut?"
"On my head, Shane."
-Dad tells kids: Here's a cautionary tale. Don't sing in the shower!
-Kid: Dad, did you get a haircut?
Dad: No, I got them all cut.
-Dad: I never thought I'd be the type to have a beard. But then it just grew on me.
Kids: What?? Why not?
Dad: If you get soap in your mouth, it will turn into a soap opera.
Kids: GROAN!!!!!
-Kid: Dad, it hurts when I move my arm like this.
Dad: Then don't move your arm like that.
-Why do skeletons stay so calm?
Because nothing gets under their skin.
-What do you call someone with no nose and no body?
Nobody knows.
-Did you hear about the dad who chugged 8 sodas?
He burped 7-Up.
-Kid to Dad: Why are there balloons in the bathroom?
Dad: I wanted to throw you a birthday potty.
-What do you call a 12-inch nose?
A foot.
-Dad, can you put my shoes on?
"Nope. They are too small for my feet."
Send your best #dadjokes to kate.loweth@tinybeans.com
—Taylor Clifton, Kate Loweth & Amber Guetebier
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Source: https://tinybeans.com/funny-dad-jokes-puns/
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